Author: Nikki Yeaman / Published: 4/4/2022
How To: Not Suck as a Party Guest
We often describe a party we have been to as amazing or boring, fun or ho-hum, or something in between. We rate the hosts’ performance on criteria such as the music, the drinks and food, the decor, but how often do we rate our own performance as party guests? And how would our host rate us?
I think at least half of a party’s success rides on the guests. In this A.P. (after-pandemic) world, I think we all appreciate the joy that is coming together to celebrate life all the more, so maybe it's time to up your own party guest game.
My top tips for putting your best party foot forward are:
1. Be in a good mood.
Even if you have had a bad day or have other private issues going on, don’t arrive and announce those things to your host - it's an instant party pooper. I've seen this happen and watched the host instantly deflate and fill with concern for their friend. Now is not the time! When your host greets you and asks how you are, there is only one acceptable answer: “I’m fantastic and ready to party!”. Debbie Downers should stay home.
Image source: Unsplash.com @elevatebeer
Image source: Unsplash.com @LauraChouette
2. Don’t arrive tired or hungover.
Further to the above, showing up tired or hungover to your best friend's 21st, 40th or wedding is just bad form and incredibly disrespectful to your host. They’ll say it’s fine, but it’s not, and they will never forget it. Tip if you do: chug a Berocca, get some eye drops and buck up!
3. Never, never, never ditch a party for a better one.
If you have already accepted an invitation then that's the party you are going to, even if what you perceive as a “better” invitation comes along later. In this day of social media, your host will almost 100% find out, and it's an obvious and public slap in the face. Word will get around and eventually you won't get invited anywhere, and you will deserve that.
Image source: Unsplash.com @giancescon
Image source: Unsplash.com @foodess
4. Don’t arrive empty-handed.
Unless you are already bringing a birthday or wedding gift, a small hosting gift is a lovely gesture and will always be gratefully received and remembered. Here are my hosting gift tips:
- Don't spend more than $40; expensive gifts may embarrass, not delight.
- No flowers! The busy host then has to find a vase, and your flowers might clash with their own floral arrangements. A small posy delivered the next day would be lovely though.
- Go for the classics: a nice bottle of wine (for them to drink, not you), a good box of chocolates, scented candles, some nice stationery, a lovely linen tea towel, hand-embroidered hankies, or home-baked goods.
5. Dress up! Or at least appropriately.
In my opinion, there is no such thing as being overdressed for a party, it gets you in the mood and putting in effort shows respect to your host. I’m all over this A.P. “dopamine dressing” right now in joyous bright colours and prints. Black is so (B.P.) before-pandemic. If it’s a fancy dress party and you hate fancy dress parties…bad luck! Get with the programme, you will have a way better time if you embrace the theme rather than show up in a half baked last-minute attempt.
Image source: Unsplash.com @heidijfin
6. Unless specifically asked to by the host, DON’T TOUCH THE MUSIC!
I can't stress this enough, it's just so rude and I see it all the time. It's not your party and not your call. So if you just can't bear to dance to the Macarena for the third time, go pick up some glasses for your host or go and talk to that very nice-looking person in the corner…
7. Talk to at least 3 new people.
I have a couple of friends I really admire that make it their business to try to meet everyone at a party. They are the kind of people who know that everyone is interesting if you take the time to get to know them and as a consequence, they are the ones who seem to have the best time themselves. Try these conversation tips:
- Open with “How did you meet the host?”.
- Give a genuine compliment (there’s always something nice to say).
- Steer clear of “what do you do for a living”... it will probably come up anyway.
Image source: Unsplash.com @jarritos
Image source: Unsplash.com @claybanks
8. Say "THANK YOU"!
Good manners are always in style. Call or send your host a message within 3 days to say thanks. It's a big deal to put on a party and the host will be hoping everyone had a good time, saying it in writing is always appreciated.
If you make it a habit to follow at least some of these pointers, I guarantee the parties you go to will start getting better, and the difference will all be you.